


Another Chance

by tipplerdoeswords



Category: Half Life VR But The AI Is Self-Aware
Genre: Falling In Love, M/M, Post Game Character Exploration, Roommates, Slice of Life, i don't know man i really don't know, i have never written so much that says so little, slowish burn, there's descriptions of sex but i wouldn't consider it explicit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:40:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26058136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tipplerdoeswords/pseuds/tipplerdoeswords
Summary: “I’m going to be a professional streamer.” Benrey told him during dinner that first weekend, like it was the easiest thing in the world. “Gonna have, um, tons of simps subbing to my channel.”“There’s no way that will work. It’s an oversaturated market and you have to be streaming for a long time to build a brand and be successful.”“Killjoy.”
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 21
Kudos: 310





	Another Chance

**Author's Note:**

> Gordon slowly realizes Benrey is an okay dude in this sorry excuse for romance.

Gordon had known Benrey would come back.

Even in the Chuck E. Cheese’s Gordon had caught a glimpse of a skeleton sitting at one of the tables. He had pushed it out of his mind, more focused on the relief of their victory, having his arm back, and the birthday celebration than the prospect of having to deal with Benrey again.

Then the science team got involved with a bank robbing mission, and, what do you know, Benrey showed up to help rescue Tommy.

Once they were safely out of the White House and Tommy was being treated for his asbestos’s poisoning, Benrey had asked if he could stay with Gordon with the gentle implication that he was a sad lonely boy without a proper internet connection and he needed a shipping address to get his computer parts sent to.

Dr. Coomer already had Bubby living with him, and Gordon was flush with post-violence endorphins and looking for a roommate anyways, so he said yes.

And Benrey had followed him back to New Mexico with a beat up cardboard box full of electronics and a spare hoodie tucked under one arm.

They didn’t talk much the first few days. Gordon didn’t want to know where Benrey had been since the final battle, or what the security guard’s deal was, he just wanted rent paid on time and for Benrey to pick up after himself.

Benrey was too busy leaving the apartment for hours and coming back with used furniture to bother Gordon. An enormous delivery box showed up in the mailroom on Monday and Benrey snatched it out of Gordon’s arms and practically ran to his room to assemble his new desktop.

“I’m going to be a professional streamer.” Benrey told him during dinner that first weekend, like it was the easiest thing in the world. “Gonna have, um, tons of simps subbing to my channel.”

“There’s no way that will work. It’s an oversaturated market and you have to be streaming for a long time to build a brand and be successful.”

“Killjoy.”

Gordon shook his head and shoved another fork of spaghetti in his mouth. “I hope you didn’t spend all your money on this. And that you don’t call yourself johnwicklover1994.”

Gordon tuned into Benrey’s channel the first few streams. He followed and a cute custom animation popped up on screen.

“Thanks for the follow FeynAssMan,” Benrey droned. He was in the middle of some cowboy western game, riding a horse in circles. “Remember to use your Twitch Prime in honor of our corporate overlord Amazon to subscribe to the channel.”

He stopped watching Benrey’s streams after a week. Gordon found that listening to music was better for his productivity than obsessively checking Benrey’s viewer count and jumping whenever Benrey cackled too close to the mic.

After a couple weeks, Gordon started to notice that Benrey was leaving trash around the apartment. At first Gordon threw it away himself, but the sight of every new piece gradually throttled his blood pressure up a notch.

Time for an intervention, nip the problem in the bud. Gordon cornered Benrey in the living room where the alien was lying on the couch with an empty bag of spicy chips resting on the coffee table.

“Hey, what’s going on with all the stuff you’re leaving around?” Gordon asked.

Benrey blinked at him. “Huh?”

“This isn’t okay, Benrey. You eat my food, you use my shampoo even though you don’t need to shower, and you never pick up after yourself. You’re making living here miserable.”

Benrey had the self-awareness to look a little guilty, but instead of apologizing, he set his jaw and wiggled further back on the sofa.

“I only eat like, once a week and I put all my dishes in the sink when I’m done. And I like your shampoo, you have a whole big bottle of it, might as well share some.”

“You’re plates still have food on them when you leave them in the sink and then I have to have to take them out and scrape the wet food scraps into the trash and the trash stinks and I don’t want you to use my shampoo! Just buy your own if you like the brand.”

Gordon took a deep breath to calm down.

“You’re not as bad as you could be, but when you keep ignoring me when I ask for the simplest things, it builds up. You need to stop being so stupid and listen.”

“I do listen, I just don’t see the big deal. If you keep saying mean things, I’m gonna say mean things back.”

“Go ahead. I do my fair share of the chores and I’m actually responsible.” Gordon challenged.

Benrey eyed Gordon from where he was lounging on the couch. There were chip crumbs on his shirt and as he slowly sat up, they fell on the floor. 

“I’m not stupid, you know.” he said. “I’m not a science nerd like the rest of the guys but I know how to take care of myself. You treat me like a kid sometimes.”

“You don’t know how to load the dishwasher and you play video games all day.”

Benrey ignored the dishwasher comment. “It’s my job, dude. Hating on professional streamers is so last decade. Haven’t you heard of e-sports?”

Gordon pinched his brow. Benrey was deflecting in that impenetrable way that had driven him crazy in Black Mesa.

“Look, I know you’re not really human, and if you need help I can show you how to do things. I like living together, I just want my living space to be neater.”

“So you like living with me, but not your kid, Mr. Bigshot?”

Gordon felt an icy chill spread through his blood.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Deadbeat dad.” Benrey taunted. “Went out for a pack of cigarettes and never came back.”

“I’m not a deadbeat, Benrey! I pay child support, I fly to Massachusetts to see Joshua every month. You don’t even know what that word means.”

Benrey grinned. “Sore spot huh? You know, leaving the mom with most of the childcare costs and responsibilities is very American. Probably can get a sticker on your patriot loyalty card for that one. I’ll ask Forzen to give it to you in person.”

Living with Benrey was a mistake. Giving Benrey internet access would be the reason the world ended, _again_.

The worst part was that Benrey was voicing all of Gordon’s nagging thoughts. He did feel like a shitty dad sometimes, felt guilty that he had gone prancing off to Black Mesa and left his son to grow up without a present father.

They had been so young when they found out. Still working on their doctorates, stressed from long nights in the lab running experiments and collecting data. He’d been shocked at the news, horrified that he’d have to quit the program. He didn’t promise he’d be a good father. He hadn’t even thought of that, more concerned about his future as a brilliant, awesome scientist than anyone else’s. Shitty boyfriend Gordon. 

His anger was mixing with regret and hurt now. He had just wanted to confront Benrey to force him to be more responsible and now Gordon was going to hide in him room and cry for the next hour. He was such a stupid mess. Gordon turned away so Benrey couldn’t see his face, and hurried back to his room. 

Cry to cope, endure living with Benrey until the lease ran out, and then move. Simple plans were the best. Measure twice, cut once.

He was sitting on his bed, hollow and exhausted, when he heard Benrey standing outside his room. With great effort, Gordon got up and cracked open the door.

“Sorry. Shouldn’t have said those shitty things about you. I’ll try to be cleaner in the future.” Benrey muttered.

“No problem. It’s fine.” Gordon would have bet a thousand dollars on Benrey missing the sarcasm.

He couldn’t hide his red, puffy eyes though, and Benrey scanned his face and the rest Gordon’s stiff body.

“Do you want me to leave you alone?”

Was this it? Was this Benrey’s first emotionally sensitive question? There should probably more fanfare for such a momentous occasion. He could call up the G-Man and arrange another party at Chuck E Cheese’s.

“Yes.” Gordon said. And shut the door.

Benrey was really taking the ‘leave Gordon alone’ comment to heart. Two weeks passed without Gordon even catching a glimpse of his roommate. There was evidence Benrey was still alive, in the wet corners of the shower and a sprinkle of parmesan cheese on the edge of the trash can, but he never showed himself when Gordon was awake.

It was quite nice for the first week. The apartment was neater and Gordon didn’t have to act the maid for a grown whatever Benrey was. He even heard vacuuming sounds from Benrey’s room one morning and thought he was hallucinating from a botched cup of coffee. The noises were real, however, and judging by the crackle of dirt, this was first time Benrey had cleaned his room.

By the end of the second week, Gordon was lonely. He could tell because he was starting to warm to the idea of messing around in the non-OSHA compliant lab Bubby had whipped together in Coomer’s basement. 

Benrey had people listening to him all the time, hanging on his every vacant word, but he wasn’t really interacting with people. Dude needed attention so much there was no way he wasn’t hurting from the self-imposed isolation

Did Gordon really have to make the first move in breaking their weird ceasefire? It was the logical next step in this very mature and normal relationship. He had told Benrey to fuck off, Benrey was fucking off beautifully, and he was the one who had to forgive Benrey now.

Gordon tried to pick a time when Benrey wasn’t streaming to knock, but after waiting for half an hour in the hallway at three in the morning, Benrey was still yammering. With a sigh, Gordon knocked anyway.

The talking cut off with a strangled yell. Gordon had a second to steel himself before the door swung open and Benrey peeked around the side of the wall.

The only light source inside the room was the glow of Benrey’s dual monitors. Benrey’s face looked greyer than usual and his black hair was smushed to the side of his head.

“Can we talk? Sorry to interrupt the stream, I tried to find a time you weren’t busy.”

Gordon sank his hands deeper into his pockets while Benrey stared at him like he was some sort of home intruder.

“They can’t see us, can they?” said Gordon, with dawning horror. He didn’t want any of Benrey’s viewers to know he existed, both as a national security concern and because he wanted to keep Benrey’s work-life separate from his entire existence.

“Uh, yeah, they can. Hold on, I’ll stop the stream.” Benrey left the door and fiddled with his keyboard while Gordon tried not to look like a world famous, alien shooting, bank robbing, Black Mesa hero.

Benrey followed Gordon to the living room where they sat on the couch as far apart as physically possible.

“I appreciate you cleaning up after yourself.” Gordon said. He picked at the beige sofa cover with a blunt nail and cleared his throat. “Thanks for listening to me. I wanted to say we can be friends again and hang out and stuff.”

Benrey was fidgeting too. “Shouldn’t have bothered you about your personal shit.”

“Yeah, you shouldn’t have.”

“Sorry.”

“Apology accepted. Don’t do it again or I’ll strangle you on stream.”

Benrey cracked a small smile and swept the hair out of his face. He really did look scruffy, now that Gordon thought about it. If those bangs were brushed straight they’d probably reach Benrey’s eyes, like an imitation shadow of that ugly helmet he used to wear. 

“You need a haircut, dude.”

“Chat says the same thing. I should make it my next sub goal.”

Gordon still had a playdate with Bubby scheduled for the weekend. Coomer’s house was the closest to Black Mesa proper, which meant that it was far from Gordon. He spent the drive with the windows down, enjoying the last of the pleasant spring weather before the summer sun blasted the desert into the pits of hell.

Dr. Coomer greeted him at the door with a delighted, “Hello Gordon!” that summoned Bubby up from the basement. Gordon crossed the threshold and kicked off his sneakers on the welcome mat.

The house was old, but well cared for. The walls looked freshly painted a pleasant pearly white and the old brass ceiling fixture gleamed in the light from the door.

“About time you visited us. I told Coomer that you had forgotten about the old folk who saved your ass.” Bubby grumbled. He was smiling though, which was impressive for Bubby, and Gordon couldn’t help but laugh and give the prickly scientist a side-armed hug.

“I missed you guys too. I should have come over sooner, done anything fun recently?”

Bubby shrugged and wriggled out of Gordon’s hug.

“Peace and quiet. We’re learning to like it.” Coomer added. “Our adventures can be quite overwhelming.”

“Tell me about it. Well, Bubby can give me a tour of the new lab.”

“Hell no. I’ve been working down there all day and you would ruin my experiment. Can’t trust physicists. We’re going to make a pie.” Bubby scowled.

“I have those farmer’s market peaches I bought this morning, Bubby. Almost twenty kilograms! You and Gordon can use some in your creation.” Coomer said, patting Gordon’s elbow like the latter was a precocious child.

“I think that’s a waste of good peaches.” muttered Bubby.

“Now don’t you argue with me, mister, it’ll be delicious.” Coomer insisted. He gently pushed Gordon towards the kitchen and disappeared upstairs.

Gordon was left with Bubby in the large, but overstuffed kitchen. An old cast iron pan rested on the gas stove, coated in bacon grease and a few specks of egg. Dried bunches of garlic hung from the racks over the long granite counter.

It was nothing like the electric combination unit and compact dishwasher that Gordon had at home. Coomer’s kitchen was positively cozy.

Bubby seemed to know where everything was, and set about pulling dry ingredients from the pantry, along with a cardboard box of fragrant, almost too ripe peaches.

“You mix the butter into the flour, it’s the fitting job for a brute like yourself. I’ll blanch the peaches.” Bubby ordered.

“Do you have a pastry cutter or something?”

“Use a fork.”

“There’s a pastry cutter in this drawer right here.”

Bubby didn’t respond and Gordon snickered and got to work. The cold, salted butter was a pain to deal with and Gordon surreptitiously used his fingers to break up the clumps.

“I saw that.” Bubby said from his post by the stove. “Add some ice water before you ruin the flakiness.”

Gordon got a handful of ice cubes from the fridge dispenser and put them in a bowl. He kept working on the dough while Bubby slowly lowered the peaches into a pan of boiling water.

Once the peaches were skinless, Bubby joined Gordon at the counter and sliced the fruit into even eighths.

“I saw you had a muscle car in the driveway, is that one of your new projects?” Gordon asked. He punched the dough into a rough ball, all pretense of not using his hands gone.

Bubby took out a measuring cup and placed a heaping pile of white sugar on top of the peaches.

“1986 Ford Mustang. Dr. Coomer found a local listing and I bought it with some of the money we stole from the bank. Needs a lot of work, but it’s something I’ve always wanted to do, even when I was stuck in the facility.”

“Glad to be out of there, huh?”

Bubby looked sourly at his bowl of sliced peaches and sugar.

“Fuck Black Mesa.”

Gordon snorted. “Don’t let Tommy hear you say that.” He added another pinch of flour to the granite countertop and pulled the cellophane off the ball of dough. “But yeah, fuck ‘em for what they put you through.”

They were quiet while Gordon rolled out the dough into an awkward disc. Bubby washed the bowl they had used to mix the flour and butter, then came over to supervise Gordon’s sloppy attempt at transferring the crust to the pan.

Once the oven was preheated, Bubby poured the filling in the crust, and the pan was thrown in the oven.

Bubby dragged in a couple heavy wooden chairs from the dining room so they could sit while they waited for the pie to bake. He even got a glass of ice water for Gordon and poured a sweet iced tea from a jug in the fridge for himself.

“So what’s the gossip?” Gordon asked. “How’s shacking up with Mr. Punch-Out?”

Bubby snorted. “Watch what you’re implying there, Freeman.”

Gordon laughed and took a long drink of water. “You know I’m kidding, man. Really though, have you two been okay? I know you’ve both been through lot and I’m glad you’re living together.”

“We’re fine. It hasn’t been easy, but we’re old enough to know how to deal with stress.” Bubby said with a swig of iced tea. “We have a good deal in common, between the clones and devotion to science.”

Gordon debated how to ask his next question. He felt bad going behind Coomer’s back, but he didn’t think he’d get a straight answer if he asked Coomer directly.

“How is, um, Coomer’s behavior? He seemed fine the last time I saw him but I was wondering if he’s had any relapses?”

“He hasn’t had any moments of extreme lucidity like what we saw in Black Mesa, if that’s what you were wondering. I appreciate the concern but it’s really none of your business.” Bubby grumbled. “Speaking of which, how are you and Benrey?”

Gordon shrugged. “Benrey’s going to run out of games to play on stream at the rate he’s going and I’m working from home.”

“You know he likes you.” Bubby said, eyes narrowed behind his thick rimmed glasses.

Gordon sputtered on his spit and opened his mouth to deny Bubby’s claim, but changed his mind.

“Yeah. It’s kind of weird to think about, especially since we live together.”

Bubby tilted his head a fraction. “Do you like him?”

The weird part was that Gordon wasn’t sure. A couple weeks ago Benrey had been more of an irritating roommate than a person.

He was glad Benrey seemed to be learning social skills from the internet. Okay, that was a horrifying thought, but at least it meant Gordon didn’t have to do all the emotional labor of making Benrey fit for society. He could actually treat Benrey as an equal, approach the guy with more of his guard down.

Okay, they were probably friends now. Gordon wasn’t ready to think about anything else.

“Eh.” he finally replied. Bubby didn’t press him on the topic.

They talked for the next hour about Bubby’s experiments. The scientist’s eyes lit up when he described the chemicals he was synthesizing, and the impromptu fume hood he had made out of plastic sheets and an exhaust fan.

Tommy visited every week, apparently, and brought Sunkist to play in the small patch of grass Coomer maintained. The rest of the yard was filled with planter boxes and an elaborately engineered drip system.

The oven alarm rang and Bubby pulled on a thick pair of mitts to rescue the bubbling, golden brown pie and placed it on a cooling rack.

While they waited for the pie to cool, Bubby gave Gordon a full tour of the house. Gordon got to admire the rest of the classical architecture, expensive dark wood paneling with the occasional bronze trim. There was a real fireplace in the living room, with a scorched iron poker resting on the mantelpiece.

Coomer’s office was crowded with overflowing bookshelves and several ancient computers stacked against the wall. Bubby’s bedroom was sparse, a neat full-sized bed against the east wall, a wardrobe that looked like it led to Narnia, and a bed stand weighed down with a complete copy of _The Lord of the Rings_.

“I’ve been reading a lot of fiction.” Bubby admitted. “There wasn’t much frivolous material in Black Mesa.”

“That’s great, dude. You can finally bolster your geek status. Where’s Coomer?”

“I don’t know. I’m not his chaperone. I’m sure he’ll arrive for pie.”

Sure enough, when they returned to the kitchen, Coomer stuck his head in through the back door sporting a pair of muddy, wellington boots on his feet.

“Don’t forget the vanilla bean ice cream! A touch of cold sweetness with your savory butter crust will make this a delectable treat.”

Gordon carefully cut everyone a generous piece of pie and Bubby added a scoop of ice cream to each plate. The flavor of the organic peaches was strong enough to cut through the sweetness, and Gordon finished his portion in record time.

“Now we’ve ruined dinner. “ Bubby sighed contentedly. “Good riddance dinner and good riddance Gordon. You’re excused.”

“Huh? You don’t want me to help wash up, or—“

“I’m sick of you already. Come back soon.”

Gordon was very confused on the drive home. 

Benrey crisis resolved, friendship with Bubby reaffirmed, and Gordon was back to his very exciting life of being a work at home physicist and Xen consultant.

Did he say exciting? Well, it was okay. There were perks to the job. He wasn’t being shot at, he had a lot of autonomy in his schedule, and he didn’t have to drive an hour to a heavily secure facility every weekday morning.

On the other hand, he spent most of his time looking at a screen in his bedroom. He couldn’t get a new job because he was a weird celebrity/criminal, so Gordon resigned himself to a dismal existence in an apartment for the rest of his life.

At least Benrey was still trying to ruin his plans.

“Cooking stream later, can you get this stuff at the grocery store?” Benrey shoved a list of baking ingredients in Gordon’s face.

“I’m not your errand boy. Go to the store yourself, I know you have the money.” Gordon grumbled.

“I won’t have time, I have DnD with some guys I met online for the next four hours. Professional DM and everything. I’m playing as a hot elf chick with huge—“

Gordon waved the shopping list away from his computer. He had been in the middle of debugging a particularly nasty piece of Unity for his game. Yes, Gordon Freeman was making a video game, the pathetic side project of every nerd in the world.

He was starting to understand why everyone hated Unity. The code was unwieldy and restrictive, despite being advertised as easy to use. If he wanted to create the same cookie cutter 3D game everyone else had made, it was fine, but step outside the box and suddenly everything was breaking at the seams.

Making assets in Blender wasn’t as bad. It was kind of fun to pull and stretch the vertices of a square into a sprite or a prop.

“Come onnnn.” Benrey whined. “I’ll owe you one. Owe you a real big favor, can beat all the bosses in Dark Souls for you.”

Gordon was planning to go shopping anyway, and the tantalizing ambiguity of Benrey owing him was too tempting to refuse.

He had to draw it out though. Make Benrey really ask for it.

“I don’t need help on Dark Souls, but I do want you to owe me a favor. How do I know you won’t forget about it later?”

Benrey looked delighted and put his hand over his chest.

“I’ll mention it on stream and then chat will hold me to it forever. Promise. Tell me how much it cost afterwards and I can pay you back.”

He held out the list and Gordon took it. Their fingers bumped against each other and Gordon did not think about it. At all.

“Guess I’ll head out then.” Gordon said. “Have fun being a sexy elf in DnD.”

While he was looking for confectioner’s sugar and cream of tartar, Gordon had an idea for the code he was struggling with. He picked out the rest of the items with a smile on his face that vanished when he had to ask for help at the self-checkout station.

Benrey messaged him the clip of the stream where the former security guard credited Gordon with saving his streaming career, being a very interesting person with a huge brain, and owning half of Benrey’s soul.

It was an entertaining way to explain he owed Gordon a favor. The side by side chat log erupted with spam of a suspiciously suggestive emotes after Benrey’s words filtered past the stream delay.

What did he really want from Benrey?

He didn’t really know anything about the guy. He could ask any normal person what school they went to, what they studied, where they grew up etc. Benrey was a blank, a literal alien creature who somehow had enough charisma to hold an audience captive.

He was still chewing on his request when Benrey came into his room again one lazy Saturday. It seemed like going into Gordon’s space was becoming a habit.

Benrey was wearing sweatpants and a tie-die shirt. The streamer’s wardrobe had recently expanded along with his viewership. Gordon turned around and put his elbow up on his backrest to get a better look while Benrey explained the situation.

“I’m getting cyberbullied. Chat says I’m a baby because I’ve never smoked weed. You gotta help me man.”

“Benrey.” said Gordon slowly. “Have you considered saying that drugs aren’t for you? Some people, a lot of people, actually, aren’t into that stuff. I don’t think mind altering substances would even work on your brain.”

Also, chat would be more impressed that Benrey had killed a lot of people and could grow to the size of a skyscraper, but unfortunately it was harder to use highly confidential events for street cred.

Benrey looked sincerely upset, more so than Gordon had ever seen before. The alien was pacing around Gordon’s room with a wild look in his eye from getting some dumb donation messages. It was pathetic and kind of funny. Gordon kept his face neutral.

“Alright, I don’t know exactly what’s going on with your stream, but if you’re lucky you can turn it into a meme and use it for content.” Gordon stroked his scruffy beard that he was trying to grow out. “Or, wait, aren’t some of your viewers kids? Be a good influence for them and shut down the people peer pressuring you.”

Benrey stopped in front of Gordon’s dresser and slid out the top drawer morosely. “True, true, true. But like, even in my DnD group the other players always joke about going to bars and stuff. I’m missing out on all the cool shit that people do cause I don’t have any interesting IRL friends.”

That was three quarters accurate, so Gordon gave Benrey the benefit of the doubt. He sighed. “Tommy was a frat boy in college and still makes a mean cocktail. I’m sure he’s done other stuff and can go to a bar with you if you want.”

Benrey thoughtfully pulled a pair of Gordon’s wool socks out of the drawer and tapped them on his chin.

“Again, I doubt you’ll feel anything. Sweet Voice hits harder than most drugs and you can spit a liter of that stuff out a minute.” Gordon turned back to the paper he was reviewing. Reading dense scientific articles on the computer bothered his eyes. There were those special reading glasses Bubby had that he should probably get, Jesus his body was falling apart before he was even 30.

“How do you know the difference between Sweet Voice and drugs?” Benrey asked. Gordon stopped his shoulders from rising to his ears at Benrey’s sly tone.

“I, like everyone who went to college, have smoked some weed.”

“That all?”

Gordon wasn’t going to tell Benrey about the time he dropped acid with a bunch of seniors and ended up sitting in a bathroom, transfixed by the tile floor for two hours, or that post finals party where someone brought coke and he had snorted a line off an organic chemistry textbook.

Benrey made a soft ‘huh’ when Gordon didn’t respond and snapped the sock drawer shut.

“You didn’t mention you did drugs when we signed the lease. Outta be some penalty for that, buddy.”

Gordon couldn’t believe he had to defend himself to someone who had been eager to go clubbing a minute ago. “I stopped after grad school. Black Mesa drug tested regularly, you know I always showed up to work sober.”

“Awfully defensive there for a guy who forgot his passport. Didn’t know you were such a nasty boy, breaking the law like that. Is that why you fumbled the Xen sample so bad? Clumsy Gordon high off his ass.”

“Shoo. Go away.” Gordon waved his hand at Benrey like he was trying to dismiss a needy cat. “Go get wasted with Tommy. My past choices aren’t your business.”

Gordon was informed later that ‘bars are boring’ and that ‘Tommy gets too many girls asking for his number, he’s not that hot, this is unfair’.

Benrey had spent a small fortune on drinks, with nothing to show except a first name basis with the bartender. Just as Gordon had predicted, the human poison of choice had no effect on Benrey.

“We’re going out again this Thursday for Pub Quiz. Tommy’s really good at it, apparently. All those Wikipedia articles paying off. You should come.” Benrey said, through a mouthful of sausage and pepperoni pizza that he was so graciously sharing with Gordon. So far Gordon had eaten one slice and Benrey had had five.

“You literally just said bars are places for people with no lives to hangout and that you didn’t see what all the hype was about.”

“Yeah, but it’s nice to get out of the apartment sometimes. Tommy thinks you’re cooped up, doing paperwork for his dad all day.”

Gordon almost said ‘no’ by instinct, but then he thought about the offer for longer than half a second and realized it sounded awfully appealing. He liked trivia games and talking to Tommy was always a treat.

“Sounds good. We can carpool there.”

“I knew it. Gordon does very illegal drugs and hides it from his friends and family because he’s in denial.” Benrey blurted out.

“Alcohol isn’t illegal you idiot—“

They won trivia night, even aced the double points round. Gordon had a couple of craft beers and half of Tommy’s Whiskey Sour, enough booze that he felt warm and almost happy. He laughed louder at Benrey’s shitty jokes and slapped Tommy on the back when the scientist remembered a particularly baffling fact.

Tommy was remarkably at ease in the noisy bar. People Gordon had never seen before, _cool_ people, with piercings and tattoos, showing skin and laughing drunkenly, came up to greet Tommy, who was something of a regular.

There was a different bartender on duty, but apparently word of Tommy’s new friend had got around and they had excellent service the whole evening. It was objectively the best night out Gordon had ever had, and he even admitted it to Benrey’s smug satisfaction.

Once Gordon was home and in bed, he drifted off to the sound of Benrey starting the stream back up. The grind never stopped, apparently. Streaming at all hours gave Benrey international appeal.

Benrey had been smiling an awful lot at the bar. Smiling at Tommy’s serious game face, smiling when Gordon pounded the sticky table after a particularly bad pun, and looking at Gordon with a wide, sincere grin.

It was nice when Benrey smiled. Maybe they could do this every week, at least until the bar banned Tommy to give the other patrons a fighting chance.

Soon it was time to visit Joshua. This was a special trip and Gordon folded his clothes neatly into his bag. He traveled light, and for a weeklong trip he only needed his laptop, toiletries, and some spare underwear.

“Where are you going?” asked Benrey from the living room, looking up from his phone, when Gordon came in with a backpack over his shoulders..

“I told you last week. It’s Joshua’s third birthday on Tuesday and I’m flying to Boston to see him.”

“Right.” Benrey looked a little nervous, probably still worried that if he said the wrong thing Gordon would break down crying like a stupid idiot again.

“I’m not expecting anything in the mail, so just keep things neat and don’t go insane.” Gordon said.

“Cool…say hi to the kid for me.”

Gordon had his hand on the doorknob when he heard Benrey mutter something else.

“What was that?”

“Nothin’.”

“It sounded an awful lot like ‘I’ll miss you’.”

Benrey groaned and covered his face. “If you don’t leave now, you won’t have time for the TSA suspicious person check before your flight leaves.”

Gordon laughed. “I’ll miss you too.”

A few weeks later and Benrey called Gordon in to ask about a donation goal in his upcoming stream. Specifically, that he and Gordon would kiss on camera.

“I don’t know, feels kind of objectifying.” said Gordon. “We have to do it on screen, and then it’ll be on the internet forever for people to throw slurs at and get into twitter fights about.”

Benrey chewed his headset cable. “Okay, well, I can change the donation goal. Thought I’d ask.”

Benrey’s room was remarkably cave like for being the room with the biggest windows in the apartment. Tinfoil, tape, and heavy black curtains blocked out any natural light and a single fluorescent bulb dangled from the ceiling. The floor was clean, but Benrey’s desk was a mess of old take-out containers and empty Monster Energy cans.

There was a mattress on the ground in the corner, as an afterthought. Benrey had an unfair advantage over the other streamers in that rest and bathroom breaks were indefinitely optional. Gordon also had the suspicion that Benrey had built his channel with some special help. There was no way he had so many consistent viewers in less than four months.

Bots or boosting his numbers with skeletons. How could thousands of people be interested in monotone, inappropriate _Benrey_?

And yet, here they were, discussing stretch goals for Benrey’s charity stream. Money for some civil rights group in New Mexico, admirably enough. Gordon felt a twinge of envy.

Gordon was doing cover-ups and consulting on the lingering alien menace while Benrey was popular and beloved and making a real difference.

He shook his head. Benrey raised an eyebrow at the motion.

“Look, maybe I’ll do it. How much money do you have to raise?”

“20k, chat came up with the goal and I thought it was chill.”

Gordon rolled his eyes. “If you want to kiss, just ask me off stream.”

“Huh?”

“That was a joke Benrey. I was joking. You’d think you spend enough time in the warped homoerotic mess of twitch chat to pick up on that.”

“It’s the highest goal.” Benrey muttered, eyes downcast. “Probably won’t even make it.”

“Yeah, I think I’ll pass. I can donate though, how about I organize something with the rest of the science team?”

“Sunkist is already the 5k goal. Tommy’s going to come over and do some co-op Borderlands with me.” Benrey was half turned away now, hunched in his blue gaming chair and scrolling through twitter.

“Well, I’ll get Coomer and Bubby to tune in, at least.”

“Whatever.”

Gordon didn’t watch any of the stream out of what was mostly misplaced spite. There was also a tiny bit of anxiety in his gut at the thought of what chat was saying about their missing goal.

Gordon couldn’t sleep because he was thinking about Benrey, which was in tight competition with the all-time low of waking up with a missing arm.

Okay, no, that was mean. There was no shame in considering Benrey as a romantic partner. Despite talking in twitch emotes and occasionally annoying Gordon, Benrey hadn’t done anything bad since Black Mesa.

He was pretty sure Benrey was still interested in him and being respectful by doing nothing. Which was good, which was fine, but now his anxiety was wondering if Benrey hadn’t found someone else to fawn over. Someone online maybe, who reciprocated Benrey’s feelings and liked the same games as him.

But what about the kiss donation goal, the pro-Benrey side of his brain chimed in. Isn’t that evidence that he’s still into you?

It was for the fans, the anti-Benrey faction replied. The fans are rabid for anything remotely inappropriate. The gay stuff is an ironic meme, and a popular one. Don’t think for a second they weren’t begging to see it. 

Or maybe, said the two parts together, this was an elaborate ruse by his brain to make him too scared to ever ask Benrey out. That was more like the brain Gordon knew.

Gordon rolled out of bed with a sigh, and collapsed into his desk chair. Eyes prickling, he opened his laptop and pulled up Youtube.

Benrey didn’t do YouTube, so all the videos about him were compilations by fans of funny stream moments. Gordon scrolled down, to the thumbnail he had seen many times before.

_All Benrey Talking About Roommate Moments_

The video was ten minutes long, about half of the time coming from a single clip that Gordon had traced back to the night of one of the Pub Quizzes.

Gordon had the timestamp memorized and he skipped straight to the long clip. He hit pause when he realized he forgot to put his earbuds in, fumbled for the wire, and started the video again.

Benrey was sitting in his room, with only his computer as illumination. The blue glow occasionally reflected off his dark eyes.

“Gimme a second chat, I need to talk about something.” Benrey paused the game he was playing and leaned back in his chair with a sigh. He flicked the bumpers of his PlayStation controller a few times, then tossed it aside.

“Most of you know I don’t like talking about my personal life, but to all the late night viewers, here’s a special treat. I just went to a bar with my roommate and another friend, we’ve been going every week and it’s really fun.”

Benrey ran a hand through his hair and swayed on the chair for a second. He looked tired in a different way than how he was after a 24 hour stream.

“My roommate, he’s a good bro, really smart guy, but I feel like I’ve ruined our relationship. We uh, didn’t always get along and before we made up and started living together we had a huge fight.”

That was an understatement. It had been a mind-bending, reality shaking fight that was getting harder to remember, as the months went by.

“And like, we’re cool, we’re chill now, but he’s never going to really trust me. You know you have friends who like, you wouldn’t lend money or let watch your pet. I’m that friend.”

Gordon had watched the clip from the stream vod, just to get chat’s reaction. This was the part where everyone had spammed sad crying faces and supportive messages. People loved a performance. 

“I think he’s giving me another chance cause he likes me. Making him laugh was partly what made me think I could be a streamer. If I can make some stressed out nerd laugh, I must be funny, right?” Benrey let the hand in his hair drag down his face.

“I’m thinking about this shit because whenever we go out to the bar and get boozed up, my roommate looks at me like he trusts me. It’s right before he gets drunk, when he stops being tense and starts enjoying himself.”

Benrey waved his hand dismissively. “And then he’s wasted and a totally different person. I dunno. I think he’s right not to trust me, after all the crap I’ve pulled, but it’s like seeing what could have been. Getting sad for no reason. Anyway, back to gaming…”

The video ended and Gordon hurriedly canceled auto play on some Fortnite reaction video. He closed his laptop and sat in his room for a while, a crack of moonlight tracing a line across his chest.

The next morning, lying exhausted in his tangled sheets after a couple of hours of sleep, Gordon decided he needed to talk to a friend. The best friend an idiot like him could have.

He fumbled for his phone, turned off the alarm, and found Tommy’s contact info. He flopped back on his pillow and let the sound of the phone echo through his brain.

Tommy picked up on the third ring. 

“Hello Dr. Freeman! What’s up?”

“Hey man,” Gordon said. “Can I come over and hang out with Sunkist later?”

Tommy had an actual house, befitting a 37 year old who’s only vices were Beyblades and the occasional drink. It was on the smaller side, a three bedroom bungalow, but it was fully paid off and didn’t need much work. Gordon wanted to start looking in the market for something similar once he had enough saved up for a down payment.

Gordon parked on the street and unlatched the tall, chain link fence that was more a deterrent to the neighborhood children than to Sunkist. At the creak of the gate, the enormous golden retriever bounded around the side of the house and launched herself onto Gordon.

The actual impact was feather light and Gordon let himself be pushed down on the grass, covered in a blanket of tail wagging, woofing, yellow fur.

“I missed you too girl.” Gordon laughed. “You’re such a good dog, oh yes you are. The best dog in the world.”

He rubbed both hands over Sunkist’s soft ears and moved down to scratch her jaw. Sunkist spat the tennis ball in her mouth to the side and let out a low whine.

The sun was filtering through the leaves of a large maple tree in the front yard. The suburb was in stubborn denial about the realities of living in a desert, and lush trees and green yards lined the quiet residential street. A dog across the street barked mournfully, jealous of the fun Sunkist was having.

Gordon could stay here forever, with Sunkist in this fake oasis. A piece of the beautiful immortality that Sunkist was made of. 

“Do you need anything from me?” Tommy asked from somewhere on Gordon’s left side. The scientist must have followed Sunkist to the front. Gordon turned his head to see Tommy’s long legs and red tennis shoes.

“Naw, I’m good for now. I might say hi properly once I’m done confessing my sins to the dog, but I don’t know. I’m kind of in the middle of a crisis.”

“I’m sure they’re not sins, Dr. Freeman. I’ll be in the house if you need me.” said Tommy generously.

Gordon waited for the sound of the front door to open and shut before he gently pushed Sunkist off of him and sat up, cross-legged with his elbows around his knees. Sunkist nudged the ball towards him with her nose.

“Sorry girl, you’re the only one I trust for relationship advice. Don’t want to distract you.”

Gordon made no move towards the ball despite Sunkist’s encourage. Defeated, the dog took the ball in her mouth and gnawed until the rubber squeaked in distress. She rearranged herself so her body was resting against Gordon’s, in the pleasant shade.

Gordon spent a few minutes looking at the house, admiring the clean rocking chair on the front porch and the succulents Tommy had placed in the window.

Any delusion of genius had been erased after graduate school, but enough of that pride remained to make him dangerous. He justified it because he was one of the chill nerds, had hobbies outside of STEM and the social skills of an economics major. The complete package of brains, brawn, and self-awareness.

He was still human though. He had done a lot of stupid things that he couldn’t help turning over and over in his mind, like leaving Joshua behind and letting his guard down before he had been caught by the military.

“I’m still trying to avoid things that scare me.” Gordon sighed to Sunkist. “And that isn’t even Benrey as much as it is being vulnerable and in a relationship again. I’m not good at that shit.”

Sunkist kept chewing her ball, eyes closed and paws resting by her head.

“I don’t want to live in this weird limbo forever. I need to say something but I don’t know what to say. I like him, but I don’t love him. I would have to date him, for like, at least a while before I could think about that.”

Gordon wrinkled his nose a little at the ‘L’ word and tugged on a thick blade of grass. He started folding it in thirds, pulling up a few more leaves and semi-weaving them together. He placed the tangle of cellulose and chlorophyll on the top of Sunkist’s head.

“I should just talk to him like an adult, huh? How are you so smart? Tommy needs to be careful what he teaches you or you’ll become too powerful.”

Sunkist dropped the slobber coated ball on Gordon’s calf, and he took it ruefully. With a flick of his wrist, Sunkist was on her feet and stampeding across the lawn.

He played fetch with Sunkist for half an hour, then finally patted her on the head and drove home. Time to face the final boss before lunch.

The first thing that greeted Gordon when he walked into the apartment was Benrey half hanging off the couch, listlessly flicking through shows on Netflix. Ouch, that was sudden. He was pumping himself up to drag Benrey out of his room again and now he couldn’t even procrastinate.

Benrey raised his head to stare at Gordon for a moment, then lay back down.

“Shit went down in the twitch community on twitter this last night. One of the big COD streamers got twitlongered and the allegations are pretty convincing so I thought I’d take a break for the day.” he said, before Gordon could ask.

“Wouldn’t that be a good time to stream? Get all the viewers that are ditching him.”

Benrey gave him a dirty look. “That’s an asshole move, bro. I’m being respectful and keeping my nose out of shit.”

“Yeah, no, that’s good. Good for you.” Gordon picked his way to the armrest Benrey was resting his feet on. “Do you, do you want to go on a date sometime?”

“What?”

“Do you want to go on—“

“You serious bro? Fuck yeah.” Benrey sat up, eyes wide, hand trembling around the TV remote.

“Yes I’m serious.” Gordon sat down on the sofa and Benrey pulled his legs up to his chest like a turtle. “Took me a while to come around to the idea, but, uh, you’re a decent guy and a good friend and if you’re interested we could give this a try.”

Benrey’s twitching hands found the back of the remote and took out the AA batteries.

“Yes. Yes, dude let’s do it, I’m freaking out. Oh my God. You got me at a pretty raw time bro, this twitter stuff is making everyone lose it.”

Gordon felt jittery too, but he was smiling, almost laughing from relief. He scooted a bit closer to Benrey on the sofa.

“Take your time, man. I’ve been agonizing over this for a month though, so don’t take too much time.”

Benrey flung the remote and batteries onto the coffee table and leaned into Gordon’s side. “Not cool torturing me for a month bro.”

“Was it torture? You seemed pretty resigned to the friend zone during that one stream.”

“What—you didn’t see—you don’t even watch my streams.”

“Dude, I have to stalk your progress or I might have a chance to feel good about myself. And yeah, I saw that one stream where you talk about how you’re sad I don’t like you.” Gordon chuckled.

“God I can’t believe you saw that. Remember when I was flirting with you a lot when we were running around Black Mesa?” Benrey closed his eyes in pain. “I think about it now, when I have all of chat begging for my attention all the time, and feel kinda embarrassed. Super cringe. I just wanted senpai to notice me.”

“Yeah you should feel embarrassed, you were attracted to the biggest mess in the science team. Tommy was right there and you went for me.”

Benrey gave a choked laugh that turned into a groan against Gordon’s shoulder. “Well now I’ll do everything nice and proper. Can take you out to a movie and not be an annoying asshole commenting the whole time.”

“Dinner and a movie it is. Wine and dine me with your big streamer bucks.”

Gordon put his arm around Benrey and the action stunned them both into silence for a few seconds.

“I thought you were going to say—“

“Not the only thing that’s big—“

Benrey looked nervous for a moment, until Gordon laughed and pulled him closer.

“One step a time, dude, I’m cool with innuendo. I assume you haven’t dated a human before.”

“Naw. I haven’t dated period. Things are different where I’m from, but I’ve been reading a lot of WikiHow articles so I think I can handle it.”

Gordon nodded, unsurprised. “Honestly, that’s a good starting point. The main thing is communication, and I want to start that out by saying I’m fine being public with the science team, but I don’t know if I want your stream to know.”

Benrey looked disappointed, but nodded. Gordon fully expected him to let something slip later, but hopefully he wouldn’t say exactly who he was dating.

They sat there, pressed against each other. Gordon didn’t know how Benrey was feeling, but his own anxiety over confessing to Benrey had evolved into anxiety about being in a relationship, which was a strict upgrade but it was just more evidence that his brain had a broken fuse somewhere that left calming the fuck down perpetually out of reach.

“I owe Tommy a thousand bucks.” Benrey finally sighed. “We had a bet going to see if you would say anything within a year, and he increased the pot at like seven this morning.”

“Tommy plays dirty, I called him up to say I wanted to talk to Sunkist and he scalps you for it.”

“We can get revenge. I won’t tell him yet and you can kiss me in front of him next Thursday.” Benrey side-eyed Gordon hopefully. “Wouldn’t want to uh, mess up in front of Tommy. Better practice.”

Gordon was relieved to find that life in the apartment didn’t change that much after he started dating Benrey. He still spent most of his time working alone in his room, whether on his game (he had the first area completed!) or doing what actually paid the bills.

Benrey sent him memes and funny videos during the day, carefully curated from the pits of twitter. Gordon could expect a knock occasionally, when Benrey would pop his head in the doorway under the stream pretense of a bathroom break, and make sure Gordon was still alive. Sometimes he had to check with a hand on Gordon’s chest and his teeth along Gordon’s jugular.

After they kissed at the bar, Tommy spilled his drink on his crisp dress shirt and used his winnings to buy the whole bar a round of drinks. He even insisted on making an announcement using the Pub Quiz microphone. Gordon almost died from embarrassment when Tommy, voice trembling slightly more than usual, told a bar full of strangers that it was the second happiest day of his life.

“Happiest day is when I made Sunkist.” he assured them back at the table. “Anyways, congrats. Tell me if I need to plan a wedding, Dr. Freeman.”

Benrey was grinning like a lunatic while Gordon had his head in his one hand and a beer in the other.

He texted Bubby the news and got a rather aggressive invitation to come over. He showed up at the house with Benrey and had to dodge Coomer’s overexcited high-five that might have taken his head off his shoulders.

Bubby gave him the most dirty, knowing look Gordon had ever seen before waving them down to the basement and showing off his lab. Apparently, Bubby had been learning from Darnold and proudly displayed a colorful shelf of “potions” that could, among other things, melt flesh and make the drinker smell like molasses.

They stayed for dinner despite Benrey’s whining about his inconsistent stream schedule.

“Do tell us about the games you’ve played this year, Benrey.” said Dr. Coomer cheerfully.

Gordon didn’t get another word in for the rest of the evening.

After a few fumbling attempts, Gordon felt like they were getting the hang of intimacy. Gordon’s bed was the designated fool around area, since the cameras in Benrey’s room made him nervous.

Benrey would alternate between saying the most inane shit about frame data and making Gordon shiver with promises of bruises and bite marks.

“I’m gonna make you wear scarves for weeks bro.” Benrey hissed in his ear.

“I don’t even go out.” Gordon challenged. “You’re the one who should be scared, you have a nosy audience.”

Sadly, Benrey was happy to show off his own hickeys on stream and only smirked when chat lost its mind. He deflected any questions or lewd remarks with single minded ease.

“I ran into a pole chat. Really sad. The bruises are blue ‘cause of the light. You ever noticed how screwed up it is that you can only get the sickest weapon skin in this game through microtransactions?”

Gordon took charge the first time they had sex. He put Benrey on his back and kneeled on top of him so he could grind their dicks together, with the occasional pause to bite Benrey’s earlobe and stick his tongue in the streamer’s nonstop mouth.

Benrey’s biology was a little unusual, but the parts worked and they gave Benrey pleasure on a reasonable timeline, so Gordon didn’t care. They attempted anal after Benrey assured Gordon he had a prostate.

“You can’t get pregnant, I hope.” Gordon said with a frown, tapping a finger on Benrey’s ass.

“Only if you want.”

Gordon recoiled in horror and had to wave his arms to stay balanced on the bed. “No. No. Do not. Under no circumstances am I okay with that.”

Benrey flipped over with a grunt. “Okay, God, don’t freak out so much you get soft.”

“Can you,” Gordon gulped at the sudden, terrifying thought. “Can you get me pregnant with, I don’t know, alien eggs or something?”

Benrey gave him that look that meant Gordon needed to shut up and stop asking questions that he already knew the answers to.

Gordon had to lie down and scream into a pillow, and despite Benrey’s reassurances, halted sex for the day.

Despite the fact that Gordon was out of practice, that he still had a lot of regret from his last relationship, being with Benrey was nice. It was something he could get used to.

They tried new things, like rock climbing at an indoor gym and playtesting Gordon’s game. As time passed, Gordon stopped tensing when his back was to Benrey, took less time to fall asleep when Benrey was nestled into him. 

The week before the lease ran out and Gordon was looking for new apartment, Benrey mentioned that he would be interested in getting a house.

“I don’t have a credit score, though, so like can you buy it?”

“How are we going to find a house in a week? We have to visit places and get an agent and everything.”

“I can do all that, you just take out the loan.”

And Gordon trusted him.


End file.
